James Robert "Bobby" RenfrowApril 17, 1943 NC-April 1, 2022 Raleigh, NC
Effie Stancil Renfrow, center, visits with daughter Grace Dettenmayer, left, and granddaughter Roberta Renfrow. Courtesy Stancil Reunion Archive
Effie Irene Stancil, the firstborn child of George Ira and Eva Ann Mercer Stancil, arrived on January 10, 1902. From a young age, Effie displayed a nurturing spirit, acting like a mother to her younger siblings. Early memories include a humorous attempt by her brother Emmette to teach her and her sister Delanie how to milk a cow named ‘Pink,’ a task Effie vehemently resisted, proclaiming she would “die” if she had to do it.
Growing up in the Glendale Community of Beulah Township in Johnston County, NC, Effie completed all available schooling there. Even in her youth, she demonstrated practical skills, knowing how to cut reeds to craft brooms, a useful trade in a time when meticulously grass-free yards were the norm. Her talent for needlework also emerged early; she was an expert seamstress and crocheter. This skill was evident later when she lovingly made Delanie’s entire wedding outfit, working from a picture Delanie admired and creating her own pattern.
Driven to further her education, Effie pursued a teaching career. After discussing her aspirations with a Mr. Hippa, she moved to Wilmington for an additional year of schooling, living with her Aunt Laura Mercer North. She furthered her training at a boarding school in Raleigh. Her dedication led to an internship under Mrs. Hide and her first teaching position at Brogdon School, near Smithfield in Johnston County.
A significant chapter in Effie’s life began with her relationship with the Renfrow family. Initially, she dated Carl Renfrow, Robert Renfrow’s younger brother. However, her affections soon turned to Robert, much to the dismay of Robert’s sweetheart, Alice Stancil, who was Effie’s cousin (the daughter of her Uncle John Archer Stancil). Adding to the family connections, Effie’s first cousin, Elbert Stancil (Uncle Sam’s son), was dating Annie Renfrow, Robert’s sister.
At the age of twenty, Effie informed her mother, Eva Ann, of her intention to marry Robert. Aware of the Renfrows' reputation for drinking, Effie expressed her desire to live away from Robert’s family. Rachel, another family member, overheard this. Eva Ann advised Effie to discuss the matter with her father. Effie shared a letter Robert had written to her with her father, a letter that moved him to tears. Rachel later read the letter, which contained Robert’s promises that Effie would never have to work, they would always live comfortably in Wilson.
Effie and Robert Renfrow were married on February 11, 1922, by a judge in Wilson County. Robert was described as having light sandy brown hair. As a wedding gift, Effie received a milk cow from her parents. The couple established their home in Wilson, NC. Following their marriage, Effie utilized her sewing skills, finding consistent work as a seamstress at Moss' in Wilson, where she became adept at complex alterations.
Their family began to grow with the birth of their first daughter, Golda Grace, on September 16, 1924, while they were living in Wilson. Their second daughter, Eva Gray, was born on September 14, 1927, but tragically passed away at a young age on June 2, 1929. Their sons, Viron Ralph, was born on June 23, 1930, and James Robert Renfrow Jr., on April 17, 1943. Robert was known to be a talented fiddle player.
Life in Wilson wasn't always easy. Grace recalled an argument at a bus stop where Robert had apparently spent his entire paycheck before returning home. Robert’s behavior became abusive. In a moment of frustration, Effie confronted him, asserting that he needed to be more responsible. This confrontation seemed to mark a turning point, as Robert reportedly promised to change and took immediate steps to do so.
Effie Stancil Renfrow, center, visits with daughter Grace Dettenmayer, left, and granddaughter Roberta Renfrow.
By Renn Stancil Hinton/Courtesy Stancil Reunion Archive
For a time, Effie and Robert moved to Buckhorn, where they farmed for Robert’s Uncle Hardy Renfrow. Robert even sold his bicycle to Effie’s father for essential supplies like lard. In 1928, while living in Buckhorn in Robert’s uncle’s house (located in front of the Buckhorn School), Effie celebrated her birthday with her parents, Ralph, Myrtle, Hilda, and Dot.
In 1929, Effie and Robert moved in with George and Eva. Robert seemed to distrust Eva Ann’s ability to care for babies. When young Eva Gray was ill, he told Effie to keep “the old lady” away from the child, often referring to Effie’s mother with this dismissive term. At the time, they were living upstairs in her parents’ home. Sadly, Eva Gray, who suffered from colitis, died on June 2, 1929, at just 21 months old. She was buried in Buckhorn, NC, with the poignant inscription ‘Budden On Earth To Bloom In Heaven’ adorning her tombstone.
Eva Ann felt heartbroken, believing she could have helped her granddaughter if Robert had allowed it. The stress of losing his daughter, compounded by financial difficulties, reportedly led Robert to drink heavily.
Effie Irene Stancil Renfrow passed away on August 9, 1988, in a nursing home in Virginia. She was laid to rest beside her husband Robert and their daughter Eva Gray in the Buckhorn United Methodist Church Cemetery at Buckhorn Crossroads, Wilson County.
A Brother's Remembrance
In a loving remembrance written on August 16, 1988, Effie's brother, Ralph Stancil, shared these personal reflections on his sister:
In memory of my sister
Effie Irene Stancil with her mother Eva Stancil in 1902.Courtesy Stancil Reunion Archive
Effie, the first of the 12 children (8 girls and 4 boys) born to George and Eva Stancil, saw the light of day on Jan. 21, 1908, and we celebrated our birthdays together as long as we could.
Effie, when she was old enough, was given the responsibility of caring for me
while my mother worked in the house, yard, garden or in the fields as a farmer's
wife. During these years, I loved Effie next to my mother. When too young to
keep up, she and my older brother Emmette carried my on their backs, Indian
style.
Effie was a good student and we younger siblings enjoyed hearing the stories she
read from her school books. Two of our favorites were "A Visit from St.
Nicholas" and the "Twelve Months."
The "Twelve Months" told of a little girl named Kate who was abused by her stepmother and she was forced to go into the forest in a snowstorm to gather
berries for her stepsisters to eat. Deep in the woods, she saw a fire with
12 old men sitting in a circle about it. They were kind and friendly to Kate
as she warmed by their fire. She told them of her mission. Old January gave his
staff to June, and told him to go to his work. As June stirred the fire, the
berries appeared and Kate filled her bucket and returned home.
When Kate told her stepsister how she came to get many beautiful berries so
quickly, she was jealous. Against her mother's will, she went into the forest to
pick better berries, vanished, never to return.
Effie was born with black hair and blue eyes. She had a sweet disposition. She was obedient to our parents and when they were away, she had the responsibility to we younger children.
Effie liked to sew and was the seamstress for the family. She enjoyed all
needlework.
Our family attended church and Sunday school regularly, and Effie united with the church when she was a young teenager.
A farmer's wife, as our Mother was, Effie learned farm tasks peculiar to women in our area. She specialized in tying tobacco on the sticks and worked on the first tobacco harvester on the farm.
Effie smiled often and wore a pleasant expression on her face. She made friends easily and I never knew of an enemy. Effie was a kind, loving, caring and affectionate wife and mother to her children.
I never knew my Mother or Effie to lose their temper. God seemed ever very close to these two and truly His presence kept their lives as free from sin as is humanly possible in this world.
Effie Irene Stancil
